Week 16 is definitely the worse week of all of the weeks throughout this deployment. And not having my husband here to comfort me during this time makes it even harder. For some reason there is no comfort like that of your parents and husband. Even your best of friends don’t seem to compare.
At the beginning of this week we got word that my aunt (my dad’s sister) was in ICU. For a few years now she has been fighting breast cancer. She immediately had a double mastectomy, went through chemo, and was well on her way to beating this beast! After everything was done, it looked like she was in remission. However, that didn’t last long. The cancer was back, and she was back on chemo and radiation. She was always in such good spirits, so it was hard to believe she was going through something so rough. She looked great, smiled and laughed, and always said she would fight till she couldn’t fight anymore. And that she did!
Last Tuesday my twin cousins head up to Tennessee to be by their mom’s side with their sister as she had taken a turn for the worse. She had been diagnosed with pneumonia about two weeks prior. It seemed like she was going to make it through, but it progressively got worse and that is how she ended up in ICU. For days my cousins were right there by her side. I can’t tell you how bad I wish we all could have been there with her. On Saturday my parents got a phone call from my cousin and they knew the time was drawing near. Both of my parents talked to her on the phone and said their goodbye’s. My poor father was so upset that he had to say goodbye to his sister over the phone, but he just couldn’t be up there as he is caring for my grandfather whom has dementia and he can’t make that drive.
My mom called me to tell me she wasn’t expected to live much longer and that her and my father had said their goodbye’s. My heart broke so badly for my father. Not only has he lost his mother to cancer, but now his sister. His brother was also diagnosed with cancer about a year ago as well. But as of right now, he is fighting it pretty good. Around 10:15 pm I got the call that my aunt had passed. I was out with some girlfriends and had to leave. I had a long drive home, so it gave me time to get my emotions and anger out without it affecting others.
Some might wonder why I would be angry… well, my aunt was the youngest of 5 and she was the chosen one to go first. How is that fair? How is it fair that your life has been taken away at such a young age when you still have grand-babies to watch grow up. How is it fair that such a wonderful woman be ripped away from this world when she had so much left to accomplish! Life is just not fair! It makes me so angry when I see how badly the spread of cancer is. I remember when AIDS was our worry. Now it’s cancer… So what is next? It’s so scary to know that at any moment this could be any one of us. And there is no way to stop it. Scares me to death!
Though other things went on this week, this is the only thing that I can think of. It won’t leave my mind. It’s haunting me every second right now. My heart hurts so bad for my entire family. We lost one truly amazing woman. Heaven is one lucky place right now! I am just glad that she no longer has to fight through anymore pain, she no longer has to be poked and prodded with medicine after medicine. She no longer has to fight the sickness that comes with this evil disease. She can rest now and watch over all of us from above. RIP Aunt Sara! You will be missed everyday by so many that loved you!